Every year I spend month after month brainstorming amazing costume ideas only to realize that it’s suddenly the end of October and I have done nothing and I now have fewer than 6 days to put together some sort of mediocre costume made from particle board and old sweaters. Every year I do this.
That being said! For those of you with children who have waited until today and are tired and maybe angry and can’t justify spending more than a few dollars or a few minutes on your child’s costume, LOOK NO FURTHER! Please enjoy these:
10 “Creative” Yet Super Super Super Low Budget Costumes for Kids
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1. Tornado (for toddlers)
Low on cash and time? Have your three year-old go as a tornado– it’s as simple and inexpensive as giving them a can of soda. If you want to turn it into a joint costume, hang a pair of binoculars around your neck and you can be one of those people who obsessively follows tornadoes around.
2. “Never-ending Pile of Vomit”
Super cheap, great idea for young babies– just stop obsessively cleaning it up when they spit up onto their clothes every fifteen seconds. This is the costume that makes itself!
3. The “Vincent Schiavelli and his Parasitic Conjoined Twin from the X-Files ‘Fiji Mermaid Episode’ Costume (Joint Costume: Parent/Baby)
Just walk with a hunch and wear your baby in a carrier and if people go, “Your baby isn’t wearing a costume?’ you can say, “It’s not a baby, Scully, it’s a conjoined, parasitic twin.” Also, if your baby is young enough to not be sleeping through the night yet the baby will look a little bit like the Fiji Mermaid (you can Wikipedia the episode if you haven’t seen it) and if you’re waking up every two hours to feed it, you will probably look a little bit like Vincent Schiavelli.
4. Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robots
Requires two kids. Use spray painted cardboard boxes to outfit both children– one as a red and one as a blue robot. Then let them fight each other over something stupid for the remainder of the evening which is what they were going to do anyway.
5. Your Mother-In-Law
Your child will get a kick out of this one. Dress him up in a gray wig and an old dress and give him pictures of himself as a baby, which he is instructed to show to every single person he meets, regardless of whether or not that person has asked to see pictures of his “grandchild.” Then have him spend the rest of Halloween commenting that the other children are not dressed warmly enough.
6. A Banshee
This costume is as simple as abruptly taking away whatever your young child was playing with.
7. An Episode of Hoarders
Have a bunch of stuff you’ve been meaning to get rid of? Glue it to your child’s clothing and let her run rampant through the neighborhood. Nothing will make people shake with fright like a rotting pumpkin, 20 expired yogurt containers and a cat skeleton glued to an 8 year-old.
8. That Inflatable Rat That Means People Are On Strike About Something
Take a dollar store mouse costume, make an airtight seal around the neck and cuffs with electrical tape before pumping your child’s clothes full of air. For best results go as a group costume with a few children dressed as dissatisfied union workers, a few dressed as confused tourists, and the remainder dressed as commuters who are angry at traffic being held up because of rubbernecking.
So worth it to hear people cry out, “Oh my, what a terrifying little Montsanto!” Have your child run door to door, terrorizing your liberal, food-conscious neighbors. I don’t know how you make this costume. Have her hold a bunch of GMO patents or something.
10. Those Exhausted-Looking Dads at That One Direction Concert
This one works best if you can find some other kids going as the members of “One Direction.” If your child can roll his eyes, sigh loudly, and adopt a look of abject exhaustion mixed with frustrated patience, then this costume is as inexpensive as some black socks and a pair of sandals.
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