I am a writer and stand up comic raising a child in Jersey City. I live in a two bedroom apartment that I foolishly thought would be big enough for three people and a dog and all of the stuff that comes along with having a baby. Clearly I am an idiot.
For everyone who has asked why the blog is called The Ugly Volvo, the reason is because when I was younger my first car was one of those old, boxy Volvos and I loved it so much that I made my AOL name TheUglyVolvo. And then used it as the name of an old LiveJournal blog. And then used it as my e-mail. And it just stuck. My parents always had Volvos when I was a kid and when I was a kid I hated them– I wanted my parents to buy a red sportscar or an SUV or something hip and fun and my parents just kept on buying Volvos. And then I got to the point in my life where I started to really like them. When I see an old Volvo in a movie I am watching I can identify it almost immediately by the trapezoidal, ladder-style headrests or the boxy headlights and I will usually say, “Volvo,” out loud in the movie theatre, even if I am alone.
And while most of the old, ugly Volvos I love are gone, I’m at the point in my life when, if they were still around, I would be buying one. I’m not the kid pining for a sports car anymore, I’m the adult who thinks about things like “safety” and “the cost of car insurance.” It’s both interesting and strange to be on the other side of things. I am still getting used to it.
If you need or would like to reach me, drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I read every single comment people take the time to post. I don’t respond to all of them because there are not enough hours in the day but please know that I read them and appreciate comments so much. Knowing that a post was enjoyed is the fastest way to totally make my day.
I have an occasionally dark sense of humor. Nothing I write is ever intended to offend. Most of what I write is nonsense.
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I’m not sure what else is relevant, so here is a version of the “About Me” I used for a tutoring service I used to work for. And yes, I know it should be “a tutoring service for which I used to work.” Sometimes I will end sentences in prepositions. I know it is wrong. I am sorry. But sometimes it sounds better. Sometimes I will also use “their” when I know I am supposed to use “his/her.” Please know that every time I do it I feel terrible.
Here is some information About Me!
I watch a lot of documentaries on Instant Netflix. I love “‘The World According to Garp” and everything by Shel Silverstein and I read The New Yorker but mainly I read it for the cartoons. I have a phobia of jewelry. I have a horrible sweet tooth and could easily eat nine boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in one sitting. Sometimes I daydream about living in other countries and then immediately go online to look up the size of the spiders in those countries.
I wear almost the exact same outfit every day. I am married to someone who speaks three languages and there are days when I feel like I barely speak English. I love stand-up comedy and Far Side cartoons and books about science. I have a sort of platonic crush on the Pixar lamp. When I like songs I will obsessively listen to them on repeat for hours or days until everyone nearby wants to throw me and my CD player out a window.
I have a very nice mother and an eccentric father. I have two younger sisters and a dog named Tig and a husband who obsessively follows international weather patterns the way other men follow sports. I have a wonderful, wonderful son who makes me smile a lot of the time.
If you enjoy my posts, “like” The Ugly Volvo on Facebook or follow me on here (www.theuglyvolvo.com) or follow me at @theuglyvolvo on Twitter. If there’s a post you like, please share it with friends as I love writing but am notoriously bad at promoting things. I try to post at least once a week.